I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
