and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
