I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
