Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize