Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
