how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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