Where is the hickey?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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