I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
