Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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