just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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