If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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