Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
