I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
