scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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