I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
