Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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