nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize