Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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