She announced her abortion via fbk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
