ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
