but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
