also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
