You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
