Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
