someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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