I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
