I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
