if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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