Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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