Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
