Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
