I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
