Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
