I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
