oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
