I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
