he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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