these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize