Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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