Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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