you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
