i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
they're like a gay fantastic four
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
