I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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