the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
