If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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