if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
