I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
