ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
