that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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