I got chris browned last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
