Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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