hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize