Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
