Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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