mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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