I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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