Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
