I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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