Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
