we're blogging at a bar
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did i just pee glitter
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
