I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You did what with his pubic hair?
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