You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
