I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
