i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
