I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize