Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
