Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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