i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
