oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
