So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
