No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
