yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
