Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
