how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
