My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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