I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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