I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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