Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
