Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize