I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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