So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize