They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize